Pet caregiver fatigue, which happens when caring for a sick pet becomes too much, is sort of the elephant in the room. No one wants to admit they are struggling with the demands of caring for a sick or elderly dog. Yet, as end-of-life care veterinarian Dr. Dawnetta Woodruff explains, feeling overwhelmed and frustrated in those situations is normal. But there are some steps you can take to combat those feelings.
When you considered adding a pet to your family, you likely asked yourself if you had the time and energy required to care for them.
You may have thought about the routine daily tasks such as walking, feeding, and brushing your dog or filling the water bowl. Plus, you knew you would need to purchase their food, take them to the vet for their vaccines, and go to training classes. And the list goes on—toothbrushing, nail trims, bathing and grooming, etc.
These are all things that you expect to do when you decide to get a new animal companion. And with a bit of time, these tasks become natural, and are a normal part of your daily routine.
Often, your pet is such a wonderful friend that the mundane day-to-day duties go unnoticed. And even if someone pointed them out, you would likely say something like “Sure, my dog or cat is a lot of work, but they are SO worth it!”
Caring for a sick or senior dog comes with many demands
However, as your pet ages or gets sick, this may mean adding new tasks to the daily routine. These new pet-parent duties may be a bit more involved, and a bit more time consuming.
For example, your dog may require daily medications to control seizures in dogs, osteoarthritis in dogs, or Cushing’s disease in dogs. Or you may have a pet with chronic kidney failure in dogs who requires frequent subcutaneous fluids and regular blood work. And urinary incontinence in older dogs may mean that your dog that requires medication, diaper changes, and bathing on a regular basis to stay clean and prevent urine scald in dogs.
If your dog has mobility concerns, you may find yourself applying Dr. Buzby’s ToeGrips® dog nail grips to their nails every one to three months. Or you may need to give your arthritic dog daily joint supplements for dogs such as Dr. Buzby’s Encore Mobility™ hip and joint supplement. A diagnosis of diabetes in dogs often requires twice-daily insulin injections…The list goes on and on.
None of these things may have been on your mind when you first considered getting a pet. Yet these are just a few of the many additional care tasks you may need to take if your pet is sick. Plus, you may find yourself needing extra time off work for vet visits and follow-up appointments.
Counting the cost of being a pet caregiver
Many people view these new pet-care chores as “the price of love”—and this is true in a way. Our beloved animal friends give us unconditional love. They make us smile, and they are a part of our very hardest days and our most joyful moments. Loving them is easy. And their friendship is worth whatever time we need to invest into their care.
However, in the advanced stages of disease, the time and effort required to care for our cherished friends can feel overwhelming. It can be very difficult to manage a dog with multiple diseases. Or it can be a challenging balancing act to care for several pets with chronic health conditions at the same time.
Dog parents may still believe that performing the necessary tasks is worth the effort. But at the same time, providing long-term high-maintenance care can become a burden both physically and emotionally.
Let me provide some examples
Caring for a dog who is having accidents in the house
A dog with canine cognitive dysfunction (i.e. doggy dementia) may forget their house training. And suddenly you are back to the days of potty-training. Only this time, you didn’t make a conscious choice to be taking so many trips outside and cleaning up so many messes. And it may get worse instead of better as the days go by.
Administering subcutaneous fluids
A pet with chronic kidney issues may require subcutaneous fluids for dogs every day. This might not seem intimidating at first, but it may take two people to accomplish the task. In that case, you and your family may suddenly find yourselves trying to coordinate schedules.
And you might need to make changes to your routine to ensure you have the appropriate amount of time before work in the morning, or before bed at night, to give the fluids. Then when someone forgets, or your schedules change, this “small” task can feel a lot harder.
Assisting a dog with mobility issues
Caring for a large dog with mobility concerns is difficult for their body. And it can cause physical pain for human caregivers too. Our muscles and joints can become sore as we try to provide the assistance our dog requires. Harnesses and slings can certainly be helpful, but lifting and maneuvering a big dog is awkward and not without risk.
Managing multiple medications
When your dog is on multiple medications, you have to be sure you give each pill on time. This requires that everyone in the house knows who is responsible for the task. That way doses are not forgotten, or (worse yet), a dose is not inadvertently doubled. The mental energy it takes to stay on top of the administration schedule, as well as ordering refills and picking up prescriptions, can be significant.
Other demands on your time and energy increase pet caregiver burden
Many of these stresses and frustrations can build on top of one another. This is especially true if you are also taking care of your own elderly parents, other geriatric pets, or young children. And if your dog’s disease happens at the same time as an important project at work, or when you’re required to work extra shifts, you may feel torn between your work obligations and your pet’s need for care.
These tasks also feel tremendously overwhelming if you’re not getting enough sleep at night. You may have young kids who wake you up. Or your pet may suffer from senior dog anxiety at night, or need to go outside many times a night. All of these demands mean you may not have gotten a full night’s sleep in weeks—or even months. This can make you tired, irritable, and sad.
Pet caregiver fatigue
These emotions can catch us off guard. We may not expect to have such a hard time caring for our pet’s physical and medical needs. However, frustration, anger, guilt, and fear are normal, and even expected, given the challenging circumstances.
The term “caregiver fatigue,” is often used to describe these emotions that surround caring for a sick or elderly individual. You may have heard of caregiver fatigue in terms of caring for human loved ones. But pet caregiver fatigue is just as real.
When asked about the pet caregiver burden, you will likely still say “Yes, all of this effort and time is worthwhile to keep my dog happy and comfortable for as long as possible.” Yet in the middle of the day-to-day demands, your frustrations may build, and your patience wears thin. The increased needs always seem to happen when you are already running late to work. Or it happens when you need to pick up your child from soccer practice or are getting ready for company. You get the idea.
Anyone would feel frustrated, yet you may feel guilty on top of feeling frustrated. Suffering from caregiver burden is hard. But please know that you are not alone in this, so don’t feel like you are.
A clinical neuropsychologist at Kent State University, Mary Beth Spitznagel, was the lead author of a 2017 study entitled “Caregiver burden in owners of a sick companion animal: a cross-sectional observational study,” which helped describe the effects of caregiver burden on pet owners. She and her coauthors determined that pet owners who had pets with chronic or terminal diseases were more likely to show symptoms of depression or anxiety, have a poorer quality of life, feel a greater burden, and have a higher level of stress than owners of healthy animals.
What do you do when caring for a sick pet becomes too much?
We love our pets as members of our family. And because of that, we want to provide them with the best care possible. We wish that investing the extra time and energy were easy, but it isn’t always. And that brings up feelings of inadequacy and guilt. I believe this is often the hardest part of caring for our elderly pets.
Give yourself grace
If what you have just read resonates with you, the first thing to remember is to give yourself a bit of grace. If a friend were up all night caring for a newborn baby, you would understand their exhaustion. Or if a coworker takes care of their elderly father, and feels frustration with their overwhelming “to-do” list of meds and doctors visits, you would offer them gentle encouragement. So show yourself that same kindness and gentleness as you care for your beloved canine friend.
Remind yourself that feeling this way doesn’t mean you love your dog any less
The second thing to remember is that your feelings of tiredness, frustration, and fear do not lessen the love you have for your pet. If you did not love your dog deeply, you would not be doing all of the extra care-giving work.
Your frustration and anger is not with your cherished friend. Rather, your emotions stem from the situation itself. You are frustrated that your dog has to go through all of these difficult things. And you wish they were healthy. Plus, you are overwhelmed by a hundred small tasks that add up and take over every spare moment of your day.
Allow yourself to realize you are frustrated that your dog is dealing with a terminal illness. You are not angry with your dog for requiring care.
Find the right listening ear
Talking to trusted friends and family, or members of a support group, can help you through these difficult times. It can be especially comforting and encouraging to connect with someone who is also an animal lover and has been through similar situations with their own furry family members.
Keep in mind that if you have friends or family who do not understand, it is ok to hold back a bit. You may not want to share as much with them about the challenges you are facing on a daily basis because they may not be as supportive.
You need to seek out compassionate, understanding folks who will lift you up, offer empathy, and perhaps even offer a helping hand.
Ask for and accept help
If you are suffering from caregiver fatigue, you may find it necessary to look for and accept a bit of help. Maybe this means finding a groomer who comes to your home. That way your elderly dog can get the care they need without leaving home. Or perhaps it is allowing your friend to come over and scoop poop in your yard, pick up extra food at the pet store, or make a run to the animal hospital for medication refills.
Remember, people want to help. And there is no need to feel guilt or shame that you cannot do it all on your own.
Make time for self-care
Be sure to carve out time for self-care while you are focused on caring for your pet. This could mean taking time for a relaxing bath, or making an appointment for a pedicure. It could also mean scheduling a friend or pet sitter to come stay with your pet. Then you can go grocery shopping, get your hair cut, or do something else for yourself.
Keep in mind, as much as you would like to spend every moment with your dog at the end of their life, it is not possible. You must continue on with your own life too, caring for your needs and the needs of your family.
Seek professional help
If your feelings of guilt, shame, and anger are excessive or unmanageable, you may benefit from finding a professional to help. It could be easy to feel embarrassed, and like you are the only one who needs this kind of help. But you are not alone. Many people struggle with anticipatory grief as their pet ages, or following a terminal diagnosis.
Thankfully, it is becoming more common for human mental health professionals to recognize and treat grief related to our pets. If you already have a counselor, ask them if they are familiar with supporting people through the grief surrounding pet loss. If they are not, they may know someone who is. And if you don’t have a counselor yet, consider looking for a mental health professional who specializes in pet loss.
Talk with your veterinarian
You may also wish to reach out to your veterinarian for help. Many vets have a list of pet loss resources, like books, websites, support groups, and counselors. Information and resources on pet loss support can be just as helpful before the loss as afterward.
You may also wish to read about your pet’s disease. Or you may want to seek out a vet who provides dog hospice care. Working with a hospice vet can help ensure you are providing as much care as is reasonable, while also preserving your pet’s dignity and overall quality of life.
Pause your caretaking duties and just be with your pet
As you care for your beloved pet, make time during the day to simply sit with them. Tell your pet that they are loved, and that you have enjoyed having them as a part of your family. This will be good for both of you. And it will allow you to maintain the precious human animal bond that you share.
How do I decide when to euthanize my pet?
All these tactics can definitely help decrease the severity of the caregiver burden in owners of sick or elderly pets. But it is important to keep in mind that when your pet’s medical and physical needs have grown so great that you are beginning to resent them, and they are beginning to resent the care you are trying to provide, the time has come to consider humane euthanasia.
As you begin thinking through the euthanasia timing, you will want to take into account your pet’s quality of life. (Routinely completing a quality of life scale for dogs can help with this.) But it is also important to consider your own quality of life. And it isn’t selfish to do so.
If your quality of life is suffering, and you feel that you are barely making it through each day, it is likely that your pet’s quality of life is incredibly low as well. Even if they seem to be handling things ok, a disease that is affecting every moment of your day is affecting every moment of their day on an even greater level.
Resources to help with the decision
Facing losing your dog is incredibly difficult. You want to keep your pet with you as long as possible. But you also want to minimize or avoid them suffering altogether. So how do you ever figure out when to euthanize your dog? This is a very personal decision, but some of these resources may be able to help you gain clarity:
- When To Euthanize A Dog With Cushing’s Disease: A Vet’s Advice
- When to Euthanize A Dog With Liver Failure: A Vet’s Advice
- When to Euthanize a Dog With Arthritis: A Vet’s Heartfelt Advice
- When To Euthanize A Dog With Hemangiosarcoma: A Vet’s Guidance
- Dog Kidney Failure: When to Euthanize Your Dear Dog
- Dementia in Dogs: When to Euthanize Your Beloved Senior Dog
- Preparing for Your Dog’s Euthanasia: 10 Thoughts for Peace
- Dog Euthanasia: Knowing When to Say Goodbye
- How Will You Know When It’s Time to Euthanize Your Dog? 5 Caring, Heartfelt Messages
- In-Home Dog Euthanasia: Heartfelt Answers to 12 FAQs
Remember this—It is ok to set your pet free from their struggles before every last moment of joy is gone. A goodbye on a good day can be a lovely ‘final gift’ to your beloved pet.
Be kind to yourself
Above all else, be kind to yourself during this difficult season. Your cherished pet adores you, and understands you are doing your very best. Give yourself the same love and care that they would give you if they were able to talk.
Have you struggled with pet caregiver fatigue?
Please share your experiences below.
Thank you for this forum. I am physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially drained. My best friend Gracie, my 14 year old cockapoo, began having a multitude of issues beginning a year ago when she spent five days in the hospital. She was fine for a while after the hospitalization. About five months ago, all of her teeth were extracted. Since then, I spend the preponderance of my days taking Gracie to the Vet constantly with infections, driving urine and fecal samples to the Vet, shredding chicken and making rice with chicken broth, which consumes hours from my day. Gracie is thriving, while I am declining. I love her so much. She is a happy girl, because she is being cared for in a five star manner. I wish there were support groups for people with geriatric animals. This may not sound as dire as having a pet with cancer, however dealing with all of her needs is sucking the life from me. I am a senior also, who is at her wits end.
Dear Anita,
My heart goes out to you as you walk this difficult path. Being a full-time care giver to a geriatric pup is EXHAUSTING and can definitely cause mental burnout. Gracie is very lucky to have you taking such good care of her and I am certain she knows how much she is loved. Please try to make time for self-care as your quality of life matters too. Praying for your strength and comfort. Bless you and your sweet girl. ♥
I am also glad I found your article. I have a senior dog with metastatic cancer and 6 cats. They are all 11 years old but one who is 7 and the dog is 13.. One cat was just diagnosed with diabetes and another with hyperthyroidism. I have rescued and cared for cats, dogs, rabbits as pets all my life. I am 54 and a widow. I work full time and my health is not good. I struggle daily with feeling guilty about giving them enough care. Emotionally I am drained and I have severe anxiety. I do my best with giving medication as my cat with hyperthyroidism only tolerates being medicated once a day instead of twice as prescribed.. I have had them since they were babies and abandoned. People have criticized me asking me why I took in all these animals. My husband and I did take them in but I did not foresee he would pass away. I am trying to remember that I am doing my best. Now my next step is to learn how to give insulin to the cat with diabetes. I dread this as cats are hard to medicate unlike dogs. I am also burned out from my job and financially caring for them is heavy. I am at the point where I will no longer have pets after they all pass away. Emotionally I just can’t. I love them so much but I also want relief. I think about people who are taking care of a sick child and have other children and have other responsibilities. I feel like I should not complain.
Dear Laure,
My heart goes out to you with the heavy burden you are carrying. You can’t compare your struggles to others. Just because they are different doesn’t mean they are any less life altering. Thank you for being willing to share your truth and be honest about your feelings. Is there any way you would consider rehoming one or two of your pets? I know you are very attached and love them dearly, but you need to find a way to lighten the load a bit. Also, this might allow them to get more individualized attention and help ensure they are getting medicated and cared for the way you would want if you had unlimited time. Please reach out to your vet and let them know you need some support. There may even be a vet tech or pet sitter that would be willing to make house calls and help with some of the daily tasks (think of something similar to home health services for people). Hoping you can find a way to give yourself some relief. Praying for your strength and comfort. Bless you. ♥
I”m so glad I found this article and forum! I realized recently that I’m on my second dog that has IBD which means constant management of medication, hydrolized protein, and an overkill hypervigilance during any walks or park/beach visits so that she doesn’t eat any protein. Or anything else.
My dog Ruby is my 4th rescue, but my last rescue also had IBD (I just didn’t know it) but I am all too familiar with the bloody stools, the ER visits, etc, and of course I am already hypervigilant and now anticipating the same nightmare in the senior years as I had with my last dog.
Also my mother just died in January, so that’s layered on top of it all…
To hear you talk about caregiver burnout is incredibly valuable and validating, very reassuring because sometimes I feel lonely, selfish, resentful and tired of being so anxious and hypervigilant. So thank you for this, I would love more resources and support in this area!;
Dear Alex,
My heart goes out to you as you navigate this difficult path with Ruby. I am sorry for the loss of your mother and can only imagine the stress and grief you are working your way through. Thank you for being willing to share your story. It is so comforting for others to know they are not alone when dealing with these types of situations. I appreciate the kind words and feedback about the article. Praying for strength and peace and wishing you brighter days ahead.
Thank you so much for writing this & raising awareness of pet carer fatigue! We recently had to say goodbye to our beautiful, kind, gentle 15 year old lab x, just last week due to cancer complications. He already had anal gland cancer, then was suddenly found to have another mass on his spleen that caused a large bleed, With other bleeds looming we knew it was time to let him go. Tomorrow we have to take our other dog, our beloved 12 yr old Cockapoo, in to be pts, exactly 7 days after the lab x. He is in end stage heart failure with severe cachexia caused by the heart issue. We have been providing palliative care for both of them for several months & honestly, we’re absolutely exhausted from providing 24/7 care (including being up 5/6 times a night most nights & husband works full time). I was less tired caring for my mother when she was dying from cancer & I have worked looong mixed shifts in elder care & mental health for years, which I loved, so I’m used to getting on with it, but this has been very hard! I care for/support our disabled adult son who lives at home with us & I would be lying if I said providing this level of care for both the dogs at the same time hasn’t had a significant impact on us all – emotionally, physically & financially. Both dogs, though rescues, have been the most wonderful, loving & constant unofficial therapy dogs for our son & his sister for many years, they have been wonderful companions, which is why we’ve tried so hard to provide consistent love & care during their final months – but I don’t think I could do this again, definitely not for two poorly dogs at once! I’ve always had dogs & cared from beginning to the end for all of them, but this time has been harder, largely due to our family circumstances. I wish there was more pet relief care support available for families like ours, but if palliative care & respite isn’t available consistently for terminally ill children & adults, then…well it’s not going to happen for pets where we live! Even though I’m pretty burnt out & our Cockapoo’s health is failing & I know we need to bite the bullet, emotionally I’m still struggling with taking him in tomorrow (I can’t have him pts here at home due to the impact it would have on our son). I haven’t had a day without tears for 2 weeks now from tiredness, sadness, the usual guilt & the resignation that this season of our lives is coming to an end. Where the lab x was super calm, the Cockapoo’s hyper, adhd with bendy legs, always been a hard work dog with everything – apart from his constant gentle tenderness & care towards our son, which we never asked of him but he’s given so freely – he’s so wonderfully cheeky he once hilariously received a lifetime ban from doggy day care! He never stops wagging his tail, as therapy dogs they both hold a very special place in our hearts. Even though he’s so poorly, and like our gentle lab x, he’s been properly loved by all of us, but his never diminishing jolly demeanor makes it all the harder saying goodbye, our vet said he’ll wag his tail up until the very end, he’s just that kind of boy. Thank you again for mentioning the reality of pet carer fatigue, it’s definitely a real thing! Blessings x
Dear Kitty,
My heart goes out to you with all you have endured over the past few months. You have an inner strength that is evident in your words and the way you live your life. Bless you for the years of service you gave to care for others and what you continue to give for your family. I am sorry for the loss of your pup a few days ago and for the tough decision you are making today to say goodbye again to your other boy. Thank you for being willing to share your experience with us. I am praying for your comfort and peace. Wishing you and your family brighter days ahead. ♥
I have an almost 15 YO Poodle. She developed a prolapsed mass that couldn’t be removed at the time of procedure due to low visibility. She also has mammary gland tumors. We suspect it is Ovarian Remnant Syndrome and/or Cushing’s. There are lots of exploratory options right now as well as a mammary mass removal surgery possible, but I feel like that may be too invasive given her age and the fact that those tumors have not really affected her appetite and mood. What truly has been affected is her potty habits. She has frequent accidents now. (More so now after the procedure than before even.) And it feels like she forgets that we went outside. She also paces at night and I have now been conditioned to wake up at the sound of her tapping paws. I love my dog, but it is true, it has been difficult to see and experience all of these changes with her. I know in my gut it may not be time quite yet, but her journey is coming to an end sooner rather than later. I just hope to make her time with us as enjoyable as possible.
All of this to say, thank you for this post. I felt very guilty for feeling frustrated, but it’s good to know my feelings are normal. Very comforting.
Dear PoodleMom,
My heart aches for you as you face this difficult situation. I am so sorry your girl is struggling, and her future is uncertain. Some of what you describe sounds like early stages of dementia. It could be worth mentioning this to your vet and see if they recommend any supplements or medications to help with cognitive function. Here is a link to an article with more inforamtion: Signs of Dementia in Dogs: Stages, Symptoms & Treatment
I wish I could take this heavy burden from you, but please know what you are feeling is normal and you don’t need to feel guilty about it. This is tough and you are doing a great job. You are not alone, and I am praying for your strength and comfort. Wishing you all the best. Bless you. ♥
Hi Dr. Buzby,
After many trips to your page and purchases of Toe Grips, we said goodbye to our Cam yesterday. Thank you, again, for not only this post when I needed it the most, but sharing all of your knowledge and support with us who need it. You and your team are amazing and a blessing. ❤️
Julie Buehner
Dear Julie,
My heart aches for you. Cam was such an amazing boy and touched so many lives. I know he will be dearly missed but am certain his legacy will always be remembered. Thank you for sharing him with us. Wishing you comfort and peace. May his memory be a blessing to you all the days of your life. ♥
Thank you so much for this. It couldn’t have come at a better time. After spending 5 24/7 days as our dog’s caregiver w my husband being out of town, I was ready to lose it this morning until I opened my email. Your article really does affirm all the hard parts to this difficult, but lovely journey. I appreciate how you cover that it’s not the same as caregiving for humans. And often times, people won’t understand. But your tips and insights are wonderful and I can attest to their truth. Find the right people who support you, get a good therapist that deals in this area, take time for yourself when you can, and remember it’s the bond that matters.
Thanks so much!
Julie Buehner & Cam 🐾
Hi Julie,
Thank you for the positive feedback about the article. I was so glad this one was finally published. I hear stories every day that just break my heart and I want people to know they are not alone. Pet caregiver fatigue is real and something that needs to be talked about more. Praying for your strength as you continue forward and for comfort and peace. Bless you and Cam!